Redefining Family: Growing Up with Lesbian, Gay, or Transgender Parents.

A: Hey Barbara. 😊

B: Hey Anne! What's up! How are you? 🌸 It's like ages we haven't played together. I also got to know that you haven't been to school for over a week now. I was on my field trip last week and was caught up with so much homework that I couldn't come over. But it's great that I bump straight into you while I am coming over to your place. So, am I invited over for some cookies 🍪? Or are you going somewhere? To the Market🛒? May I accompany you? I can also pick up some stuff for myself and we can talk on the way. 

A: Barbie dear! I am so glad to see you again as well. And I have lots to confide in you too! I think instead of home, it would be great if we could be outside. Market would be perfect! 🌈👍

B: Anne, you sound quite grave. Well then, let's head to the market. And you tell me everything alright. There's nothing we cannot solve together. 💪

Photo by Kat Smith

A: Sure Barbie. It's just that - it's about school and Mrs. Martha. 😔

B: What about her? Is she or someone else being unfair towards you at school? 😠

A: Well, Mrs. Martha gave us a task of bringing in our parents to school - where we were required to present both of them. It was a part of an important assignment, and it formed a significant part of our course credits this school year. 

B: So, didn't you take your parents to school Anne?

A: Well, you see Barbie - I did. And that's what got me into trouble. 😥

B: Why? Just b'coz your parents are both women: Aunty Sally and Aunty Molly. Didn't you explain to Mrs. Martha that you are an adopted kid by your parents who identify as Lesbians. It would have been wonderful to let them talk as Aunt Sally is an amazing speaker and she could have burst a lot of myths surrounding LGBTQ+ community and children raised by such parents. Both Aunts are really great teachers. There's a reason why Aunt Sally had been a topper student at Oxford and such a great teacher at Harvard now and my tutor too 😉. I owe my high SAT scores to her. And Aunt Molly is such an inspirational criminal lawyer and a notable alumnus of Princeton.

A: Barbie - you are a lovely soul, and so you think it that way. But Not Mrs. Martha. She wouldn't even listen a word. At first, she accused me of bringing in fake parents. Then, she accused me of disrupting the school's code of conduct by attempting to promote vulgarity in school using sexual propaganda, and brain washing other students just for the sake of publicity. 

B: She did - what!? How could she do so? 😡And you haven't been attending school because of this?  Why didn't you complain to the principle about it? And Aunt Molly being a lawyer - how come she is silent about it? 

A: Barbie - the principal himself seemed to side by Mrs. Martha citing that such practices would corrupt the thought process of others. And I haven't been to school because I was given detention citing disciplinarian reasons. About Molly-mom not taking any action - I haven't revealed the ordeal to them yet. Mrs. Martha had asked me to come to the class, stepping away from my moms, and created such a scene about it that some of my classmates instantly hurtled abusive words at me. And the next thing I know, I was at the principal's office. All this while both my moms were asked to wait outside the school premises. And after everything happened - all I wished for was to run as far away as possible from that place. It was me who compelled them to leave the spot without intervention. And I had told them that they shouldn't step in into the matter until I change my mind if they wish to see my alive! Barb! They are really worried about me - and I, feel guilty already about everything that has happened and about how I treated them thereafter, especially when they tried to help me out. I was scared, that they would be insulted the same way as I was. 😔

B: Oh goodness, Anne, I completely understand the humiliating horrors you have been through! However, here I as your friend I would say, come-on, let's talk to your parents about it. What you have been through is completely unfair. Mrs. Martha and others must be made to realize that they have made a huge mistake here. If the laws of the country allow same sex marriages and allow such couples to adopt children and doesn't prevent such children from getting educated at regular educational institutions as others, I do not see how people like Mrs. Martha or Principal Jonas can prevent anyone from it. And in this case, it's them who have corrupted the minds of students by encouraging such bullying. 

A: Alright Barbie. Would you please come along with me? 🙏

B: Sure, I would Anne. I would never leave the chance to gorge on your cookies ever, unless I am out of town. And that apart, I have a plan too in which I would want all of you to participate. We live in a different era Anne. Our voices cannot be silenced by such immoral injustices anymore. Social media bestows immense powers upon one who knows how to harness it. 

A: Thanks a lot Barbie! I knew you would be my saviour - he he. 😄

B: Oh, why not my princess. Here's your knight! 👑 But remember - next time, never hide anything from your parents. Together you are a great team which cannot be crushed by any forces. 💜

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The above story is not just about one Anne and her parents. It is not limited to a single school or one Mrs. Martha. This incident is faced by many children who are adopted by LGBTQ+ individuals. Unfortunately, these children often encounter discrimination based on stereotypes. They receive comments like, "Perhaps you need a better and more 'normal' household for proper upbringing and emotional development," or "Are you safe at home? Is everything normal?" Even derogatory remarks such as, "How do you spend time together? Is it all about sex?" or "You are a piece of excrement abandoned by your real parents to live with these sinners," are hurled at them.

It is astonishing how people with a supposedly "modern" mindset and a hyper-vigilance about privacy suddenly forget their own rules and become self-proclaimed experts in the lives of these children whom they barely know. They freely poke their noses into such children's lives with their biased advice, despite not contributing anything positive or charitable ever to the society. Growing up in a household with LGBTQ+ parents is often far less challenging than navigating the prejudices of our "modern" society. Unfortunately, not everyone has a friend like Barbara. So, what can one do in such a situation? Welcome, my dear Chai Buddies, to another blog where we will discuss practical tips for dealing with society's scrutiny when your parents are part of the Pride community, and your origins are questioned. Let's begin.

1. Educate yourself about your rights!

It is crucial to be aware of your legal rights and protections both for your LGBTQ+ parents and yourself, in the country that you reside. Familiarize yourself with the laws in your country or region that support same-sex marriage, adoption by LGBTQ+ individuals, and anti-discrimination measures. Understanding your rights will empower you to advocate for yourself and challenge any unjust treatment.

2. Document the evidences.

Photo by Helena Lopes

Once you are aware of what would be and wouldn't be unfair towards you, legally, arm yourself up with cameras. These days, we have access to spy-pens and other cool gadgets which are not just handy, but also very useful safety tools. Make sure to record and document every such instance against you, in-order to produce evidence in the court of law or any other law enforcing personnel if and when necessary.

3. Social Power!

Social media is indeed a great tool which bestows immense powers on anyone who knows how to use them, as said by Barbara in our story. Share the clips documented by you as evidence along with your story as evidence. Gather the voices and power of several others in your favour. This might create a soft pressure on those trying to bring you down by their biased actions.

4. Create your Pride Network!

Use social media not just to share your story, but also connect with others from the Pride Community. There might be many from the Pride community holding influential positions in the society. Reach out to them. Seek their attention and support. Participate in online discussions, or join supportive online forums addressing issues of such people, get involved in LGBTQ+ advocacy groups. This way, you will find the much needed solidarity and others would know that you aren't alone, so they can't possibly get away with discriminating against you. 

5. Seek Inspiration, Lead by example

Photo by Jane Pham

While it would be unnecessary to engage in arguments with everyone (choose your battles wisely), if someone bullies and teases you, because you are adopted by Pride Parents, why not try some Savage replies at them! Whatever you are facing or would face, it is likely that there have been others in your shoes before you. At times, learning how others have dealt such situations and imbibing them in our circumstances, we can lead by example for others like us.

6. My Parents, my Pride!

Photo by Karolina Grabowska

Often in this digital era, one finds it far more easier to share one's thoughts with a friend or perhaps even a total stranger they might have met online, than confiding to their own parents. In our story above, while Barbara was indeed a great friend of Anne, in reality, sharing our vulnerabilities with others may not yield great results. Specially with strangers. So, it's important to remember that no matter what - do share your thoughts and feelings and experiences with your parents. In this case, even though your parents have had adopted you, you must understand that they love you a lot. They adopted you due to biological or other reasons. But they adopted you to complete their family - to care for you, nurture you. So, they would always be there for you. Also, they may have faced similar challenges and can offer guidance based on their own experiences of life. Open and honest communication will strengthen your bond as a family and allow them to support you effectively. 

7. Also my friends aren't behind!

Photo by Elina Fairytale

If like Barbara you have an amazing friend (s), reach out to them. Share your experiences with complete honesty. Having a strong support system can help alleviate some of the emotional burdens you may face and provide valuable advice when dealing with societal scrutiny. Also, you get a lot of valuable advise about how to navigate some tough turfs!

8. Raise awareness in school or participate in such committees in college

Photo by Tara Winstead

Let's say your school already conducts such programmes to educate one about sexual preferences, it is a wise idea to attend them in order to understand your teachers and their perceptions about such sensitive matters.

If not so far, you might consider having a word with your respective programme coordinators or principal to start such initiatives. Even this will give you a clue about the overall perception of the school you are in regarding such subjects.

If you are given such permission, take this opportunity to bust myths about being raised by lesbian, gay or trans parents. Also, raise awareness about what these things actually mean and do not mean at all.

9. Talk to a trusted adult or school counsellor.

Now that you have some idea, if you face discrimination at school, reach out to a trusted adult, such as a teacher, counsellor, or school administrator. They have a duty to ensure a safe and inclusive environment for all students and can take appropriate action to address the situation.

10. Change is necessary

Let's say that you do study in a toxic environment - where no matter what you do, bullying and teasing never ceases, it is a wonderful idea to transfer schools. While some might say this is equivalent to running away, at times, that is the best one can do to preserve their mental and emotional well-being. 

That's all for now, my dear Chai Buddies. I hope these practical tips and suggestions provide you with some guidance and support in dealing with society's scrutiny when your parents are part of the Pride community and your origins are questioned. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there are resources and communities available to help you navigate these challenges.

Remember, you are worthy of love, respect, and acceptance just as you are. Keep embracing your true self and standing proud. You can my previous blogs on Pride here: 

https://chaitalkies.blogspot.com/2023/06/embracing-your-true-self-navigating.html

https://chaitalkies.blogspot.com/2023/06/embrace-diversity-and-empowerment-study.html

I will see you in my next blog with more insights and support. Until then, you can also share your love with me by buying me an Amazon Gift card to be sent to my email address: aamiprabhasini@gmail.com or hello.chaitalkies@gmail.com. Your love will be celebrated and reciprocated with lovely insightful content!

Stay strong and keep spreading love and understanding. 🌈💜