Hello, my dear Chai-buddies and welcome back to another blog!
Today, we will be talking about something serious, something sensitive and something very emotional. We will be talking about how to deal with life as a student when your parents are getting a divorce💔.
 |
| Doubts and Uncertainty! |
While many would want us to believe that indeed adults' decisions have no impact on their children, we all know that it isn't true at all. Coping with life when parents are parting their ways can be extremely challenging indeed 😞😕. It may bring the entire world shattering down especially of kids, teenagers or even young adults.
However, no matter how hard one may wish to alter the course of reality, sometimes that's what we have to learn to accept and deal with. In today's blog, we will discuss some tips that might help you in your most trying times.
1. Never blame yourself for anything.
.jpg) |
| You are not to be blamed for this! |
During this difficult period, if your parents are still living together, it's possible they may argue and occasionally direct the blame towards you for their divorce or the terms of their settlement. It's crucial to remember that you should never shoulder the blame for your parents' separation. Divorce is a complex process involving numerous factors that are beyond your control. Remind yourself that you are not responsible for all of your parents' choices and decisions. Your parents' relationship is between them, and their problems are not a reflection of your worth or actions.
2. You are not their messenger.
.jpg) |
| Do not pass on their messages! |
During fights, sometimes it is overserved that parent's resort to using their kids as messengers to pass on their messages to one another. If your parents also try to do so with you, refrain from this activity. If your parents must communicate something to each other, they must do it themselves. If you participate in it, it will only cause you unnecessary stress, while you may be conveying messages beyond your comprehensive abilities. This way, you may even feel tempted to use them later in other situations which may be totally inappropriate for you. In turn, you will only hurt yourself in this process. If asked, politely refuse to do so, or try to come up with some creative excuse to refrain from this activity. And, who knows by getting your parents to actually talk to each other, you may even be helping them sort out their differences!
3. Communicate with your parents 👪.
While you must refrain from being your parents' communication-messenger, it doesn't mean you should stop communicating with them entirely. Find time to talk to each of them. Have heart-to-heart conversations if you can. Let them know how you feel about it all. Discuss life with them if you can do so. Sometimes, other people do not readily have an idea about how the other person feels.
.jpg) |
| Have heart-to-heart conversations with your parents if possible. |
While it may be difficult, strive to maintain open lines of communication with both of your parents. Express your feelings honestly and calmly, sharing your concerns and fears. It's essential to remember that your parents may be going through their own emotional struggles during this time. By communicating openly, you can foster understanding and find ways to navigate the changes together. However, it's important to set boundaries and not get caught in the middle of any conflicts between them. Remind yourself that you have the right to be heard and respected by both parents. 🗣️💬👨👩👧👦💕
4. Refrain from choosing sides.
.jpg) |
| Don't leave them alone! |
It can be tempting to choose sides during your parents' divorce, especially if one parent seems to have certain socio-economic advantages or favorable circumstances. However, it is important to resist the urge to make judgments based on external factors. We cannot predict the future or know what lies ahead for each individual. Therefore, it is wise to maintain open lines of communication with both parents, regardless of any material or social differences. 🤝👨👩👧👦
Now, let's address a scenario where one parent is clearly in the wrong. While it may be natural to extend your support wholeheartedly to the other parent, it is essential to avoid getting directly involved in passing judgment or labeling the "wrong" parent. Remember, you may not fully understand the depths of remorse or emotional turmoil they are experiencing. Making them feel constantly blamed or isolated can have severe consequences. They may become overwhelmed and feel a sense of hopelessness, leading them to contemplate drastic measures such as self-harm or worse. Alternatively, they may react with aggression and resort to physical violence out of anger, leaving lasting scars on both you and them. 😔💔🙅♀️🚫
By maintaining a neutral stance and not directly engaging in blame, you protect your own well-being and safety. It is crucial to prioritize your emotional and physical safety above all else. If you feel threatened or unsafe due to a parent's behavior, seek help immediately from a trusted adult, counselor, or authority figure who can provide guidance and support in ensuring your well-being. 🛡️🙏❤️
5. Validate your emotions, don't suppress them.
While in the points above we talk of maintaining a neutral stance between your parents, it is very normal to feel a range of emotions bottled within when your parents are divorcing. You may be confused, sad, angry, or even relieved based on the circumstances. Whatever you are feeling, remember to acknowledge them. Especially if your parents or society tells you things like: "these days it's quite normal, don't make a huge fuss out of it", or, "you are a guy, why do you cry?", or "even though we are divorcing, we would still be there for you, why are you bothered?", remember to not listen to others' voices, it's a time to acknowledge your inner voice. Allow yourself to cry if you feel like it. Expressing your emotions, whether through tears, writing, talking to a trusted friend, or seeking support from a counselor, can be cathartic and help you process your feelings in a healthy way. Suppressing your emotions can have long-term negative effects on your mental and emotional well-being. 😔💔💭🗒️🗣️👥🌈🌟
6. Take a break and ready steady Go!
Divorce is a complex process indeed and might involve nasty legal battles. Not all divorces are settled amicably between two parties. It might also involve heart-wrenching stories of domestic violence or long-drawn battles for custody 💔⚖️😔. If in your case, the situation has become unsafe or threatening for both you and the parent who is not at fault, it is crucial for both of you to prioritize your safety and well-being during such times 🚨. One solution can be that the sooner you leave for a distant place which is more secure, the better 🛩️. Here are some potential ideas to consider:
- Seek refuge with supportive family members: If you have understanding and caring grandparents, relatives, or extended family members who can provide a safe environment, consider staying with them temporarily. Surrounding yourself with a supportive network can provide the emotional and physical security you need during this challenging period.
- Stay with a trusted friend of yours or a friend of your parents: If you or your parent who needs support, has a close friend or a friend's family who can offer a secure living arrangement, reach out to them. Living with a friend can provide you with a sense of familiarity and comfort while you navigate the complexities of your parents' divorce. It may also provide access to additional support, such as legal guidance or counseling resources.
- Seek assistance from reliable NGOs: Look for reputable non-governmental organizations (NGOs) that focus on supporting children and disadvantaged groups. These organizations often provide shelter, education, and various forms of assistance to individuals in challenging circumstances. Connecting with a reliable NGO can offer you a safe and nurturing environment while you continue your education or seek additional support.
- Consider educational opportunities away from home: Explore the possibility of participating in long-term educational programs or internships in different cities or even abroad. For instance, you can pursue a semester study abroad exchange program, enroll in courses in a distant city, or intern at a research lab located in a secured area. These opportunities not only offer educational growth but also allow you to create distance from the challenging dynamics at home.
 |
| Study Abroad! |
- Embark on a long-term trip: If circumstances permit, consider taking a long-term trip to a distant place. This could be a transformative experience where you explore new cultures, gain independence, and create space for personal growth. Traveling to a secure and supportive environment can provide a much-needed respite and help you focus on self-discovery and healing. You may find some ideas here.
7. Talk it out, but don't broadcast or victimize it 💬🔇.
Dealing with your parents' divorce can be overwhelming, and it's important to find healthy outlets to express your emotions and seek support. However, it's crucial to strike a balance and avoid fixating solely on the divorce as the defining aspect of your life ⚖️🤝. Here are some key points to keep in mind as you navigate these conversations:
- Express your feelings in a safe space: Find a trusted confidant, such as a close friend, family member, psychiatrist or counselor, with whom you can share your thoughts and emotions. Talking about your experiences can provide emotional relief and help you process your feelings. Choose someone who listens without judgment and offers support. 🗣️💕
- Maintain boundaries: While it's important to talk about your emotions, be mindful of oversharing or repeatedly discussing the divorce to the point where it becomes your sole focus. Constantly dwelling on the negative aspects can prevent you from moving forward and embracing other aspects of your life. Strive for a healthy balance in conversations, allowing yourself to discuss your feelings while also exploring other topics of interest. ⚖️🌈
- Avoid broadcasting your troubles: Sharing your personal struggles with everyone can lead to unnecessary gossip and may not always yield the support you need. Instead, confide in a select few individuals you trust, ensuring that your conversations are private and respectful. By maintaining discretion, you protect yourself, your parents, and your relationship with them from potential harm caused by public scrutiny. 🙊🔒
- Focus on personal growth and positivity: Instead of allowing the divorce to define you, use this experience as an opportunity for personal growth and emotional maturity. Explore your interests, pursue hobbies, engage in activities that bring you joy, and celebrate your achievements. By embracing positivity and self-discovery, you expand your horizons beyond the challenges of your parents' divorce. 🌱✨
- Cultivate empathy and understanding: While it's natural to feel hurt and frustrated during this time, try to avoid adopting a victim mentality. Recognize that your parents are going through their own struggles and that the divorce is a result of complex circumstances. Show empathy towards them and strive to understand their perspectives, even if you disagree with their choices. Cultivating empathy can contribute to healing and maintaining healthier relationships with both parents. 🤝❤️
In conclusion, dear Chai-buddies, navigating life as a student when your parents are getting a divorce can be incredibly challenging. 📚🎓💔😔However, by following these tips, you can find ways to cope with the situation and maintain your well-being:
-Remember that you are not to blame for your parents' divorce.
-Refrain from being the messenger between your parents.
-Maintain open communication with both parents while setting boundaries.
-Avoid choosing sides and focus on understanding and supporting both parents.
-Validate your emotions and seek healthy outlets to express them.
-Prioritize your safety and well-being if the situation becomes unsafe.
-Talk about your feelings but avoid broadcasting or victimizing yourself.
Remember, if you are facing any such issues and want to share them with someone, you may choose to write to me here: aamiprabhasini@gmail.com or hello.chaitalkies@gmail.com. In the meanwhile, if you support my work, you may consider
buying me an Amazon gift card to be sent to the above email addresses.
Stay strong, dear Chai-buddies, and remember that you are not alone. With time, support, and self-care, you can navigate this challenging chapter in your life and emerge stronger than ever.
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Comments
Post a Comment