Hello and welcome back everyone!
The results are out finally for ICSE and ISC. And CBSE students have to wait a little while longer. And now - there are two sets of you -
1. the top scorers - who have done really well
2. those whose expectations weren't reached this time.
And - for the two sets of you - one common thing can happen over two reasons -
1. You loose your friends - You have scored brilliantly but you have also out-performed your friend, hence, while you receive most of the 'Congrats' your friend is gradually avoiding you or has already distanced themselves from you - because they couldn't fair as well as you did and now they really miss the lime-light you get and may be even envious of your success.
2. You loose your friends - You haven't scored that well, yet you are really happy for your friends who have scored good marks. But - your friends seem to avoid you - because they somehow feel, you no longer belong to your troop. You feel under-estimated by them, may be even mocked in order to be avoided by them.
That is with the cheers - you can loose your peers - and succumb to peer pressure.
Well, first of all - get this point correct - it's pretty much a part of our existence to associate and dissociate. So, loosing friends could be disheartening - heart wrenching experience, but, you should accept this fact that with changing course of life - some people might move away from us - making space for new people to enter in our lives.
However - philosophical 'gyan' might not seem to cure the ailing heart that has just lost their dear buddies. So, what can you do in this case - Here is where your friend Prabhasini will help you.
1. If you have scored better than your friend and that is distancing your friend from you - may be because there is some other reason beyond his / her own psychological blocks, than, have a word with them. Try to figure out what is disturbing them. Sometimes, external facets like - comparisons by parents wreck havoc within a person and prompt them to behave in unnatural ways. Solve this matter as it could rather turn fatal if continued unchecked. The person might even get eager to harm you at any cost.
2. If by speaking you find that your friend has developed an inferiority complex and rather feels that you would turn away from them due to your high marks - in this case your indifference could aggravate the issue. Good friends are hard to find and harder to keep. So, in this case try to make your friends understand that marks is never the parameter of your relationship and that it is based on several pillars - marks not being one of them. Also - make your friend understand that you might go to a college entirely different from theirs; pursue a different course of studies - but, in the world of globalization, digital landscape and interdependence, you can still be related or at least connected from 100 miles apart. As, this friend is just possessive of you and hence - should be cared for.
3. If you find that your friend has turned jealous of you - mind it! Jealousy like any other human emotion is also a form, and hence - before retreating away thinking your jealous friend will plot against you just like the villains in popular saga - accept Jealousy as a valid emotional state. Next - use your communication skill here - to persuade your friend to use this emotion of theirs positively. Jealousy if channelled right - can yield beautiful results for two people. You might get a sincere critic for a lifetime, who would also be your friend-thus defending you against other critics. Your friend and you can engage in a healthy competition which can benefit both of you in the long run.
But, if you find that the case is different - alert! It is better to declutter your life instead of clogging it and suffocating yourself.
4. If you are the one who is being avoided by your topper friends - hmmm. Try to ensure - why are they doing it. Is it what you are feeling - as they might be discussing something important like college admissions and courses - which you can't make it to because of high cut-offs and they don't wish to hurt you. If it's merely an innocent reason as this - understand and either 'stretch' or 'fit', i.e. either excuse them or be a part of them and make them understand that such discussions do not hurt you and can be dome in your presence as well.
If you find they are deliberately avoiding you - may be even mocking your performance - tap your back and say to yourself - I have done my level best and life has chosen the best strategy for me. These were never your real friends - they never would be. And life has shown you just that - at the right time. And marks can never be a reason for continuing association with a person. Many CEOs and Celebs haven't really performed great in academics but still have scored brilliantly in their life's scorecard.
In this case - set parameters for your new life. Now that these friends wouldn't be around - think of how productively you can use your friend time. You would find the added time as a boon in disguise.
So friends - I hope now you will not have any trouble in dealing with loosing friends or winning them back after results.
Most important thing to remember here is that - human mind is susceptible to many emotions which are hard to understand clearly, so, before reacting or taking a decision - try to atleast grasp what lies in the heart and mind of your friend or the other person. And, never ever succumb to peer pressure - as the life is yours and none but you should be influencing it the most.
That's all for now. Till the next article - Hope you have regained your friends or charted a happier course of life.
The results are out finally for ICSE and ISC. And CBSE students have to wait a little while longer. And now - there are two sets of you -
1. the top scorers - who have done really well
2. those whose expectations weren't reached this time.
And - for the two sets of you - one common thing can happen over two reasons -
1. You loose your friends - You have scored brilliantly but you have also out-performed your friend, hence, while you receive most of the 'Congrats' your friend is gradually avoiding you or has already distanced themselves from you - because they couldn't fair as well as you did and now they really miss the lime-light you get and may be even envious of your success.
2. You loose your friends - You haven't scored that well, yet you are really happy for your friends who have scored good marks. But - your friends seem to avoid you - because they somehow feel, you no longer belong to your troop. You feel under-estimated by them, may be even mocked in order to be avoided by them.
That is with the cheers - you can loose your peers - and succumb to peer pressure.
Well, first of all - get this point correct - it's pretty much a part of our existence to associate and dissociate. So, loosing friends could be disheartening - heart wrenching experience, but, you should accept this fact that with changing course of life - some people might move away from us - making space for new people to enter in our lives.
However - philosophical 'gyan' might not seem to cure the ailing heart that has just lost their dear buddies. So, what can you do in this case - Here is where your friend Prabhasini will help you.
1. If you have scored better than your friend and that is distancing your friend from you - may be because there is some other reason beyond his / her own psychological blocks, than, have a word with them. Try to figure out what is disturbing them. Sometimes, external facets like - comparisons by parents wreck havoc within a person and prompt them to behave in unnatural ways. Solve this matter as it could rather turn fatal if continued unchecked. The person might even get eager to harm you at any cost.
2. If by speaking you find that your friend has developed an inferiority complex and rather feels that you would turn away from them due to your high marks - in this case your indifference could aggravate the issue. Good friends are hard to find and harder to keep. So, in this case try to make your friends understand that marks is never the parameter of your relationship and that it is based on several pillars - marks not being one of them. Also - make your friend understand that you might go to a college entirely different from theirs; pursue a different course of studies - but, in the world of globalization, digital landscape and interdependence, you can still be related or at least connected from 100 miles apart. As, this friend is just possessive of you and hence - should be cared for.
3. If you find that your friend has turned jealous of you - mind it! Jealousy like any other human emotion is also a form, and hence - before retreating away thinking your jealous friend will plot against you just like the villains in popular saga - accept Jealousy as a valid emotional state. Next - use your communication skill here - to persuade your friend to use this emotion of theirs positively. Jealousy if channelled right - can yield beautiful results for two people. You might get a sincere critic for a lifetime, who would also be your friend-thus defending you against other critics. Your friend and you can engage in a healthy competition which can benefit both of you in the long run.
But, if you find that the case is different - alert! It is better to declutter your life instead of clogging it and suffocating yourself.
4. If you are the one who is being avoided by your topper friends - hmmm. Try to ensure - why are they doing it. Is it what you are feeling - as they might be discussing something important like college admissions and courses - which you can't make it to because of high cut-offs and they don't wish to hurt you. If it's merely an innocent reason as this - understand and either 'stretch' or 'fit', i.e. either excuse them or be a part of them and make them understand that such discussions do not hurt you and can be dome in your presence as well.
If you find they are deliberately avoiding you - may be even mocking your performance - tap your back and say to yourself - I have done my level best and life has chosen the best strategy for me. These were never your real friends - they never would be. And life has shown you just that - at the right time. And marks can never be a reason for continuing association with a person. Many CEOs and Celebs haven't really performed great in academics but still have scored brilliantly in their life's scorecard.
In this case - set parameters for your new life. Now that these friends wouldn't be around - think of how productively you can use your friend time. You would find the added time as a boon in disguise.
So friends - I hope now you will not have any trouble in dealing with loosing friends or winning them back after results.
Most important thing to remember here is that - human mind is susceptible to many emotions which are hard to understand clearly, so, before reacting or taking a decision - try to atleast grasp what lies in the heart and mind of your friend or the other person. And, never ever succumb to peer pressure - as the life is yours and none but you should be influencing it the most.
That's all for now. Till the next article - Hope you have regained your friends or charted a happier course of life.
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